The Problem with Falling in Love

Image: Love & Basketball

The problem with falling in love, is that you can fall out of it.

But, true love is a decision to stay committed even when things get tough.

We're talking about this topic today, because two of my friends recently stopped dating nice guys because there was no chemistry. And, it made me a little sad. Because, I don't want my friends to miss out on true love because of a misconception.

Chemistry Ain't All That
The misconception is that chemistry/falling in love is the end all be all. It is not. And, I think pop culture has warped our sense of what it takes to make a relationship work.

It also got me to thinking "Did me and Morris have chemistry when we first met?" He says we didn't. I agree.

We didn't have chemistry in the sense that our eyes locked, music started to play, and we began that slow walk toward each other across the room like you see in the movies.

Nope, the beginning of our relationship was a series of miscommunication, misread signals, and near misses. But, that's a tale for another day.

Love is NOT....
Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, explains in his book The Art of Loving that love is an activity, not a passive effect. It is a "standing in" and not a "falling for."

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Love Languages, explains that the feeling of "falling in love" has three problems: 

1. Falling in love is not an act of will...it just happens to you.
2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
3. The "in love" experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect.

And, that just ain't realistic. Because not a one of us is perfect. And it is generally when we realize "Hmmm, this person has some flaws." That we start to fall out of love.

But, true love empowers us to love each other despite our imperfections.

 

Love IS....
The Bible explains that love is:

• patient 
• kind 
• not easily angered 
• not selfish 
• not proud 
• keeps no record of wrongs 
• always protects
• and always hopes 

 And, if we base our capacity to be in a loving relationship based on chemistry, we are doomed for failure. Just like the ups and downs of Love and Basketball.

So, do you agree or disagree? Is there a problem with falling in love? 

Love, Simone