I Miss Y'all

Howdy Friend:

I made a video today, because I've been out of touch and wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your support! I included a few updates on Nashville life and what's going on with my writing projects. If you are an email subscriber, in a few weeks you'll receive a link from my new blog. I hope your new year is off to an awesome start!

Love you and Miss YOU...Simone

We're Moving!!!

Image: Mix100.com

.....to a new website!
So come and visit us over at our new home www.myfamilyfantastic.com. 
Love,
Simone

The Problem with Falling in Love

Image: Love & Basketball

The problem with falling in love, is that you can fall out of it.

But, true love is a decision to stay committed even when things get tough.

We're talking about this topic today, because two of my friends recently stopped dating nice guys because there was no chemistry. And, it made me a little sad. Because, I don't want my friends to miss out on true love because of a misconception.

Chemistry Ain't All That
The misconception is that chemistry/falling in love is the end all be all. It is not. And, I think pop culture has warped our sense of what it takes to make a relationship work.

It also got me to thinking "Did me and Morris have chemistry when we first met?" He says we didn't. I agree.

We didn't have chemistry in the sense that our eyes locked, music started to play, and we began that slow walk toward each other across the room like you see in the movies.

Nope, the beginning of our relationship was a series of miscommunication, misread signals, and near misses. But, that's a tale for another day.

Love is NOT....
Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, explains in his book The Art of Loving that love is an activity, not a passive effect. It is a "standing in" and not a "falling for."

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Love Languages, explains that the feeling of "falling in love" has three problems: 

1. Falling in love is not an act of will...it just happens to you.
2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
3. The "in love" experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect.

And, that just ain't realistic. Because not a one of us is perfect. And it is generally when we realize "Hmmm, this person has some flaws." That we start to fall out of love.

But, true love empowers us to love each other despite our imperfections.

 

Love IS....
The Bible explains that love is:

• patient 
• kind 
• not easily angered 
• not selfish 
• not proud 
• keeps no record of wrongs 
• always protects
• and always hopes 

 And, if we base our capacity to be in a loving relationship based on chemistry, we are doomed for failure. Just like the ups and downs of Love and Basketball.

So, do you agree or disagree? Is there a problem with falling in love? 

Love, Simone

Last Week We Moved to Nashville

Last week Morris and I moved to Nashville, TN. Morris' job relocated him to the Nashville office, and I got to come back to my hometown.

This was the smoothest move I've ever had. Because all of our worldly possessions were packed, labeled, loaded, driven to Nashville, and stored by a moving company. It was a weird, but beautiful thing to see all of our dishes, pictures, and valuables (read: one 20" inch TV) wrapped lovingly in bubble paper while we sat on the couch and watched.

Cleaning Couture

We did have to clean up, though.

Leaving D.C. was Tough
It was tough to leave my friends and colleagues that I've grown to love over the past 6 1/2 years.  It was tough to leave our church family where Morris and I have grown in our marriage and faith. And, it was heartbreaking to leave all my friends.

I cried so much one day, I gave myself a headache. I think it was all the farewell parties, cards, well wishes, and (even) a poem.

Reality hit me: I won't see these folks on a regular basis. And, I'm going to miss them.

The Good, The Scary, and an Identity Crisis

Me & My Nephew

The move is good, because we're in the same city as my family, and we're now driving distance from Morris' family.

But the move is scary, because I left my respectable job as an energy analyst to be a writer.

You profession is indicative of your status in D.C. And, you can't go anywhere without someone asking you (within 2 minutes of meeting you) "what do you do?"

Translation:  Are you important enough for me to bother with? 

I've almost bought into that mindset.

Morris and I are going to a BBQ this weekend, and I'm already rehearsing how to answer that question.

Am I having an identity crisis?

Maybe.

But, I think it's a good thing.

Maybe I was too wrapped up in trying to impress people. Maybe this phase will lead to some much-needed self reflection. And, maybe this phase will lead to something awesome! Either way, I'm thrilled about the possibilities and the free time to focus on my dream.

Forgive me for Silence
As you might have noticed, I've been away from this blog for two months. Please forgive me. I thought that I could balance it all i.e. :

• work full-time
• write in the early mornings
• participate in the Count Me In/Capital One Business Accelerator Program
• launch a website
• write an ebook
• conduct relationship research
• keep up with my goal-setting group
• take a blogging class
•  work out 3-4 times a week, cook dinner for my husband, travel, do informational interviews, be a career coach for college students, be active at church, spend time with friends and volunteer for the charities that I love. 
• AND move half-way across the country

But, it turns out. I could not.

And, when I found out about our move...I decided that I just wanted to soak up every last moment with my friends. 

Thank you for coming back and visiting this blog! And thank you to Allison and Jessica C. for checking back and noting my absence. That means the world to me, because I wasn't quite sure if anyone cared:-). I promise to be more consistent!

Up Next Week
Next week, we'll be discussing chemistry and the problem with falling in love. I've received a couple of questions about this. So, I want to talk about it with you and share my thoughts.

Please stay tuned...better yet subscribe via email!

It's good to be back. Love, Simone

The Truth About Serial Dating

Picture your heart as a whole apple pie.  For every emotional entanglement (real or perceived), you are giving away a slice of that pie. If you do that consistently, what will be left for your dream man?

Image | Betty Crocker.com

Why Serial Dating is Damaging

Proverbs 4: 23 says: Guard your heart with all diligence, because out of it flow the issues of life.

When you are serial dating, you are not guarding your heart. 

Serial dating causes you to make yourself available for constant critiques. And it leaves you wondering “Does this guy like me?” “Why didn't he call me?” Etc. Etc. 

I serial dated in college.  But, after I started REALLY walking with Lord, I realized it was damaging to my self-esteem to spend my free time with random men.  So, I started to date with the intention of getting married.

How to Date Intentionally

·         Set Criteria -There are some eligibility requirements for dating you, Girl! And, every guy that winks at you is not eligible.

·         Date One Guy - Pop culture says to keep things loose until you discuss exclusivity. I reject that notion. Like or not, dating is a prequel to marriage. And, we all hope to be married to one man “happily ever after.” We should date that way too.

·         Introduce Him to Your Friends Early - They’ll pick up on red flags.  If you don’t want to introduce him to your friends, there is probably an issue that you are avoiding.  

·         Give Him the Man Test – Men know men.  So, introduce him to men that care about you i.e. your dad, brother, best friend’s husband, pastor, etc. They’ll be able to pick up on any signals that you are missing.

·         Work Together - Whether it’s volunteering at church or helping with a community project, learn how you work together. It will help you determine his character and your compatibility.

But, Simone, I’m not even dating?!

That was me too! I took a 3-year dating hiatus. And, during that time my walk with the Lord deepened and He healed past relationship wounds.

God wants a relationship with you more than anything. And, He may be blocking you from romance with a man…so that He can romance you. 

Hosea 2: 6-7 talks about this. It says:

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.’

The Waiting Game

While waiting to date, I recommend you pray for your future husband. But, don’t just pray that he comes quickly. Pray for his protection, provision, and his safe passage.

Do you have questions or want more detail? Listen to the Let’s Talk Chat on Thursday, August 14^th at 7 PM EST. We’ll be discussing dating intentionally, courtship, and how to be ready for marriage. Register here. 

Can't wait to talk with you! Love, Simone 

What a BMW Taught Me about Dating & Waiting

One of the toughest things to do while you are single is wait.

And, waiting for Mr. Right to find you takes the patience of Job. You may wonder things like "God, are you really working on this?" Or "Did you know that I am not getting in younger?"

At least, those are the questions I had. 

But, one day while walking down U Street I was whining to God (of course, in the most respectful way that one can do that). Because I had been in D.C. for all of two months, and I hadn't met The One yet.

I mean, Gee Whiz, I says to myself. "I know that's why You brought me here, because my ex-boyfriend just dumped me and I know you brought me here to meet someone better. And that'll fix him, God, we'll show him won't we? But, why are you taking SOOOO long. I mean, God, I haven't met one single guy that loves You. Are you sure that you know what your are doing? I mean I know You know what you are doing, but could you speed it up a little?"

As I continued to walk down the street, I passed a beautiful two-door BMW.

Image | E90post.com

So, I quickly down shifted from whining to God to assessing the character of the owner of such a lavish vehicle. I mean, clearly he doesn't manage his money well nor does he give to charity because he is a knot-head that drives a 70-thousand dollar car. The nerve.

And then I saw the bumper stickers. Two of them.
The one on the left read: "Don't be fooled by my car, my treasure is in heaven."
The one on the right read: "Real Men Love Jesus."

I nearly passed out.

God had just reached down from high heaven to give me, Simone, a kiss when I needed it the most. Those two bumper stickers spoke to me in ways that I really can't explain. But, it reminded me that He is taking care of me.

If you are single and wondering when your Mr. Right is coming. Look for the daily kisses from God. They are always there...we just overlook them.

Question: What God Kisses have you received lately? 

How NOT to Talk to Guys

Image | David Wygant

I had a problem when I was single. I didn't know how to talk to guys. 

I know what you are thinking. "Simone, you are the farthest thing from shy?! What was your problem?" 

When it came to guys that I thought I might like...I had a bad habit of ignoring them. I got all nervous, and couldn't think straight, and couldn't make coherent sentences. 

In other words, I lost all sense of normalcy. So, I resorted to ignoring them in an effort to keep from saying something completely stupid.

Here is a typical conversation that I might have had with a guy that I have no interest in what so ever.

Conversation A
Simone: Good Morning, Titus! How are you?
Guy A: Good, Simone, how are you?

Simone: Well, thank you. Did you have a good weekend?
Guy A: I did, but I didn't do much watched the game, hung out with some friends, and went running. That's about it.

Simone: Sounds like you had a good weekend! I went running too, but the heat made it pretty tough. I'm going to try and run earlier next weekend. Are you training for anything?
Guy A: Yes, the Marine Corp Marathon. I've run it a couple of years in a row.

Simone: Whoa! That's awesome. I dream about doing a marathon one day, but I'm not there yet. Congratulations on setting that tremendous physical goal, Titus. It was good to talk to you. Have a good day!
Guy A: You too, Simone. See you later.

Now, for the conversation with the guy that I thought I might like...but I had no idea because I've never had a decent conversation with him.

Conversation B
Guy B: Hi Simone! How are you?
Simone: Well, thank you.

Guy B: Did you have a good weekend?
Simone: Yes, thank you.

Guy B: Oh, what did you do?
Simone: Nothing much, just hung around.

Guy B: Well, that sounds nice. Have a good day, Simone
Simone: Thanks.

Why on Earth did I do this? 

Things worked out in the end, and I wound up with my dream man. But, it turns out I'm not the only one with this problem. 

If you too get a case of the heebie jeebies when it comes to talking to guys... try these 3 tips:

• Smile: It turns out that guys almost never approach girls that look mean or unapproachable. 

• Don't Jump the Gun: Aim for having a short friendly conversation, and avoid the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out what your future children will look like. It's simply too much pressure. 

• Compliment Him: All God's children like compliments. No matter how confident a man looks on the outside, he still needs to know he's enough. And, compliments are a great way to kick off a conversation. 

It might seem a little scary at first, but you got this! Question: What other ways can single women let guys know they are interested?