(Video) Howdy from Simone!

Update on the blog, the pitch competition, and thank you to a whole bunch of awesome folks. Love, Simone

How I Punched Fear In the Face

A few weeks ago, I did something super scary. I told a room of 50 strangers about my dream of starting a business. Up until this moment, the dream had been somewhat of a secret. I had a business plan, I pitched the idea to my husband, and I told a few close friends. But, the thought of telling strangers was terrifying.What if they didn't like my business idea? What if they laughed? What if they didn't share my opinion or views? Aghhhh! There were just so many things that could wrong. And, guess what?

I pitched my idea at a business pitch competition AND everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

• I fumbled.
• My message was unclear.
• I made dumb faces. 
• I forgot what I wanted to say.
• And, I even cried.

It was a horrible experience. I cried whenever a nice person tried to tell me that "you did okay." I cried when anyone tried to console me. I cried on the Metro ride home, and I cried when I told Morris about the whole debacle that night.

And, then I went to bed. But, I didn't sleep. Because, I kept replaying the day's events in my head.

Fear Holds Us Back 
Fear holds us back from soooo many things: mending relationships, taking new jobs, moving, etc. Fear is powerful, because we focus on everything that could go wrong. We tend to forget about the things that could go right.

The good news is that: even when everything does go wrong...we survive.

The Good News
I think that's why the Bible talks about fear so much, because the Lord understands that it only holds us back. And, even if bad things happen we survive. He'll be with us.

Joshua 9:1 says: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Isaiah 41:10 says: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 I Bounced Back 
The crazy thing about the pitch competition is that the first time was only practice. So, I had to go back the next day and do the pitch again in front of twice as many people. 

But, the Lord's mercies are new every morning. So, I got up super early and began practicing with my webcam. It went well that time, and...I was selected as a finalist!

I'll know in June whether or not I'm selected to enter the Count Me In/Capitol One Business Accelerator program. But, even if I'm not selected I feel like I've already won...because I punched my fears and I survived. By the way, check out my Hire Me! Page...it's another step in me fighting fear.

Tell me how is fear holding you back? And, what could you do to punch it?

I look forward to hearing from you. Love, Simone

*Image| Piranhagear.com

What Do You Deserve?

So many people feel like they deserve so much:

• I deserve this promotion, because I’ve worked here for 30 years.
• I deserve this house and car, because I work 40 hours a week.
• I deserve this man, because I’m educated and have a decent job.

Entitlement is a disease. It affects the way we behave and treat people. Because you cannot be grateful for something that you feel entitled to. Pete Wilson talks about this in a great blog post entitled, The Death of Gratitude.

Entitlement will kill any relationship

When you have the mindset that you deserve something, you won’t appreciate it.

For example, I could not appreciate it when my husband takes out the trash...if I feel like that’s his job.

Comparison Society

image| onlineautoinsurance.com

I was talking to my wise friend, Byron, about this topic. We agree that the rise of social media is a contributing factor.

Because it allows us to constantly compare ourselves to others.  We see an image of someone’s new car or new house and say to ourselves “Hey, I’m waaay better than them. So, I should have something better.

I Struggle Too

I’ve been blogging for 4 years, and I feel like I deserve to be a lot farther along.

The problem is that I compare myself to the results of others. I see people on Shark Tank and think “ I could do that.” Or I read a post and think? Why does this person have more followers than me? I’m a way better writer.

But, I’m comparing myself to their results…not their journey to their results.

Relationships

The same is true for relationships. You may think you deserve this person or that. But, if you are comparing yourself to people that seemingly have it all together …be careful. You don’t know what they’ve been through.

What Do We Deserve? 
Absolutely nothing.
And in the end, simply waking up in the morning is a bonus.

A Word from Dave Ramsey

When someone asks Dave Ramsey “how are you?” He says “Better than I deserve.”

Now, this is a man that has been featured on Oprah, has at least 3 New York Times Bestsellers, is an award-winning radio host, and has helped millions of people attain financial freedom.

Yet, he doesn't feel entitled to anything. The world would be a better place if more of us held this attitude and lacked a sense of entitlement. 

Question: What strategies can you and I use to fight the entitlement mindset? 

*Image|umbc.edu

Are you tired of waiting?

Me too.

A few weeks ago, Morris and I were waiting in line to buy movie tickets and there were 4 people ahead of us. Initially, this was not a problem. But, ten minutes later the line had not moved at all. It was a perfect storm: one cashier, a group of six, seeing several movies, and they had credit card trouble. So, I panicked and began giving the cashier dirty looks that screamed "Seriously?"

 After another few minutes, I tried to remedy the situation and stormed over to the concession stand to ask that someone be re-assigned to help with ticket sales. Someone was re-assigned. We purchased our tickets, and hurriedly headed to our movie. We enjoyed the movie, until it ended 45 minutes after we sat down. We were in the wrong theater.  Right movie. Wrong start time.

How many times does this happen in life? We get impatient and tired of waiting and we rush into something that looks right, but it is wrong. Thankfully, this was only a movie. But, it showed me that I still have a lot to learn about waiting.

The problem with waiting is that it feels like your time is being wasted.

Our Time is Not Being Wasted, We Are Being Prepared. 

T.D. Jakes says that nothing we go through will be wasted. He gives the example of Moses. Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness after leaving Egypt as a murderer. 40 Years! During that 40 years, God humbled and prepared Moses. Prior to the 40 Years in the wilderness, he was a prince in Egypt. And, he could not relate to slave life. But, in the wilderness he had to work and he learned the layout of the land. When the Israelites needed to be freed. Moses was ready. 

He knew the process and protocols of the palace, he had once been a prince. He understood the plight of the Israelites, because he had worked hard for 40 years. And, he knew how to lead the Israelites to the Promised land, because he had been knocking-about in the same wilderness for forty years leading sheep. 

What To Do When We Are Waiting:

Don't Panic. Or you'll end up in the wrong place, like I did at the movies. God is working on us during the waiting...just like he worked on Moses.

Listen to Your Coach. Dr. Judy Fentress-Williams says that waiting for something to change is like child birth. It is painful. But, pain makes us let go of control and receptive to coaching. Women rely on nurses to coach them through the pain of bringing new life into the world. We should rely on God and listen to Him. So, he can bring us through the struggle. 

What Does Goal-Setting Have to do with Relationships?

As we approach the closing of 2013 and the opening of 2014, you may be thinking about setting goals for the upcoming year. But, I wanted to ask you...do you include goals for your ships?

I know. I know. You are saying "what on earth is a ship?"
Ships are your relationships, courtships, and friendships.

2013 is the first year that I included goals for my ships. And, I feel like God did some amazing things as a result of being intentional.

My 2013 Goals

My SHIP Goals and Why I Choose Them

I set a goal of completing a Bible Study with Morris and playing a sport with him. I wanted to do a Bible Study with Morris, because it's important for us to continue growing in our faith together. We studied the 12 Traits of the Greats this summer and we still refer back to those lessons. I wanted to play a sport with Morris, because he likes them. I am not a huge fan of baseball, but I am a huge fan of Morris. So, we headed out to the park a couple of times to play catch. I think my wife stock rose as a result:-).

Third, I made a commitment to write two letters a week to friends and family, because I want to be a better steward of the relationships God has given me. So, often time marches on and it has been months since I've spoken to someone I love or care about. And, that makes me sad. So, I made it a point to write letters twice a week and to call or text friends just to say "hi" or "I was thinking about you".

For more tips on goal-setting visit Michael Hyatt, former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing, over at his blog. He has written a great blog post on writing goals that are S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic and Time-Bound). I sat down and re-read it today while preparing to write my goals for 2014, and I wanted to share it with you. Just think about things and activities that are important to the people in your ships.  If you include your ships in your goal-setting for 2014, I promise you will have measurable returns.

Question: Have you set goals for your ships before? If so, how did it go? If not, will you set them in 2014?

Finding a Mentor Matters

We all know about the power of coaching for athletes. And, mentoring in professional relationships. But, have you ever thought about mentoring/coaching for all aspects of your life and family? For example, Morris and I have marriage mentors. And, when I first "went natural" I had a hair coach. I also have a blog coach.

It doesn't take a lot to form these relationships. It is simply realizing that someone has more knowledge than you in one area of your life, and exercising a bit of intellectual humility.

Intellectual humility is the point when you realize and embrace the fact that you don't have all the answers. When Morris and I have kids I've already picked out Parenting Coaches. But, I wanted to share four things that I look for in a mentor/coach.

1. A Coach/Mentor must be trustworthy - If you are going to entrust  this person with your hopes and dreams, you must be certain that they are someone that will keep your dreams safe, be excited, and help you reach them. I once told a colleague at work about my plan to grow out my relaxer and embrace my natural kinky curls, and she proceeded to list all of the reasons why I shouldn't do it. She was not a dream keeper.

So, I came home and enlisted the help of my neighbor and friend, Jes. And, the support of Jes made all the difference. Jes has beautiful hair and has been natural for several years. Jes was excited for me. She told me everything she learned during her natural hair journey, gave me hair products to get me started, told me where to shop for hair products, and e-mailed me lots of websites with the best information available. In short, Jes armed me with the knowledge needed for a healthy transition and cheered me on toward success.

2. A Coach/Mentor must have the heart of a teacher- I made a new friend in September, her name is Ashley and she is a professional blogger. A professional blogger! I met Ashley at a wedding while waiting in line at the restroom. She asked me about my profession, and I took a deep breath and explained that I'm an energy analyst for the federal government but I really want to be writer. And, she explained that she's been a professional blogger for 7 years and offered to help me.

Ashley is the primary reason for the improvement in this blog content over the past several weeks. She listens, asks pointed questions about my ideas and goals, and then she gives me homework and tasks to help move me toward those goals.

3. A Coach/Mentor must keep you accountable - I told my friend, Barbara, that I wanted to be leave my job as an analyst and be a writer.  Barbara is an editor for a large D.C. publication, and she reviewed my writing samples and helped me submit column ideas to newspapers. The big writing gig hasn't come along yet, but Barbara always asks about my progress and keeps me accountable when I get discouraged.

4. A Coach/Mentor must be where you want to be  - I guess this could be applied to anything, though. If you want to be a millionaire...ask a millionaire for financial advice. But, I apply this to our marriage mentors. Our marriage mentors have been married for forty plus years.  And, they still have A LOT of fun with each other. You can't be around Ron & Cheryl and not laugh. The finish each other's sentences and are deeply in love. Morris and I want to be where they are in 40 years.

Now, it's your turn. I would like to know how you are using mentoring/coaching to improve your life and family? If you don't have a mentor, but would like one...let me know and I'll help you find one.

A Kind Rejection

Last week, I received a kind rejection note from one of the magazines that I submitted an article to. Although, I was a wee bit disappointed that I was rejected...the editor was gracious enough to respond in three days and give me constructive criticism.(Typically, editors respond in three months...if they choose to respond.)

My previous two submissions were met with complete silence, and I am thrilled to hear back from someone. So, for me, getting a response is 1) progress and 2) encouraging.

I've been on a quest to escape my boring job for 18 months. And after repeating the grueling process of informational interviews, submitting applications, following up, and interviewing for umpteen times. I've decided to give up the non-profit job search and refocus my efforts on writing. You know that question that interviewers ask you "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

I would always think "Honey, I plan to be on a book tour for my first novel by then."

But, I would always say "I would like to stay with the organization as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial." Because you can't tell an organization that counsels people or educates children that you want to write a novel that tells stories of families conquering life together. Typically, writing novels does not fit into their respective strategic plans.

So, I've decided to write with the same fervor that I gave the job search and we'll see what happens. I don't know where this writing journey will take me, but I do know one thing- persistence is the key to being successful.
Morris and I studied persistence last week in 12 Traits of the Greats, and it says that "great achievers often achieve great things simply because they refuse to give up. They don't retreat in the face of setbacks. They don't shirk in the face of disappointment, and they don't quiver in the face of delay."

In my own family, my brother, Isaac, is the model of persistence. He has been relentless in his pursuit of a degree in sociology. Despite setbacks, discouragements, and having to balance being a husband, father, and having a full-time job...he graduated this year. And now, he has been asked to present his Senior Thesis at a sociology conference. I'll be leaning on Isaac for advice heavily as I pursue this book tour dream, and reminding myself of Winston Churchill's speech "Never Give In".

Photo from My Black Piano

I know that you too are pursuing goals and dreams. So, let's stick with it and keep me updated on your progress...and I'll write about your journey and we'll get to the finish line together. Lauzi, a Chinese philosopher, said that "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." So, we might as well get to steppin'.

The Battle of the Bulge

It was a cold, misty day in December of 1944. One thousand tanks and 200,000 German troops launched Hitler's final attempt to beat back the Allied Troops in France. The Germans began their assault in the Ardennes Forest. The line of defense stretched for 75 miles (pictured above), and a rag-tag bunch of inexperienced and war-torn American soldiers were stationed there for rest.  The Germans broke through the line (depicted in yellow) after a day of fighting and surrounded most of an infantry division.

Stories of horror began to spread. And, the Belgians began to hide their Allied flags and bring out the swastikas. The British waited to see how the Americans would respond to such a terrifying German offense.

General Dwight D. Eisenhower, the Allied Commander, rushed in reinforcements to help beat back the Germans. And, within days American soldiers were launching counterattacks. The story of this battle is one of American courage. American soldiers, often isolated, were relentless in slowing down and fighting the Nazi advance. They blocked roads. They burned stored gasoline to keep it from enemy tanks. And, marched in deep snow drifts to restore the line of defense that set the stage for victory.*

Sir Winston Churchill described the battle as "...the greatest American battle of war and will."

I heard the story of this Battle a few months ago on NPR. And, I thought it was appropriate to share because 1) it is Independence week and 2)  it made me think about my own personal battles**.

The Battle of the Bulge was a huge setback for the Allied Forces. The war had appeared to be almost over. And, then the dang Nazis came charging in. But, the American soldiers didn't give up. They kept fighting.

April and May were good months for me. Our small group Bible study ended well. We had an awesome Cub Scout end of the year picnic. I began running again. I lost five pounds. I was writing consistently. Our family reunion was a success. I was blogging regularly, and getting good traffic.

Then June came.

And, I found those five pounds. And, I didn't write or blog. And, I felt guilty. Because I planned to report on my goal progress in June, but my progress has been dismal. So, I revisited the Battle of the Bulge.

The Battle was a turning point in War World II, and the Allied Forces went on to win. I find it super encouraging to know that a setback was not the end of the story, and it  makes me want to fight even more for my goals. I did lose some ground, but the end of this year is going to be awesome.

If you have lost any ground on your goals this year...don't lose heart. We have six months ahead of us.
So, let's get to work.

*Source: Army Features- http://www.army.mil/botb/overview.html

**In NO way am I trying to equate my personal struggles to those of the aforementioned American heroes.

Being Fit

Being fit is easiest when you have a partner. Someone that pushes you, keeps you accountable, and makes you go the extra mile.

A few years ago, I made a friend at a pilates class in my neighborhood. We started training for the Army 10-Miler together, and I was in the best shape of my life. My friend, R, ran cross country in college. So, I was a bit scared to run with her. But, R was patient and my mile time went from 12 minutes and 30 seconds to 9 minutes and 25 seconds for a mid-distance run. That's what a good partner will do...make you better.

Michaela, R, and Me at the Army 10-Miler

But, being fit is not limited to physical fitness. Being fit, includes all aspects of our lives: spiritual, mental, financial, and the list continues.

A few days ago, my blog buddy called me to break some bad news. "Your blog is getting sorry," he said.  Those were not his exact words, but that was the message that was communicated. "I know, I know," I mumbled as I began to sink in my chair.

 I knew my content had not been strong lately, but I didn't think anyone had noticed. So, I rested my forehead on my desk and settled in for my verbal flogging. My blog buddy explained that the content had been a bit random lately and that I needed to re-focus on the intent of the blog. At the end of the conversation, I thanked him the sound advice and told him that I loved him. My blog buddy is my younger brother, Israel.

Issachar and Israel

I would describe Israel as the most confident of all of my siblings and a bit of a know-it-all. But, he is also generous and he likes to share the wisdom he has amassed in all his 25 years of living. He is so generous, in fact, that he once gave dating advice to his boss.

Nevertheless, I am proud of him. Israel earned his Masters in public affairs last year, is working full-time, paid cash for a 2010 Nissan Maxima, and worked his way through college by playing Division I basketball. So, despite not knowing it all...he is pretty smart. And, it was nice to get advice from my younger brother, because as the oldest child I feel like I am always giving advice.

Do you have partner/friend that makes you better? Or a sibling that gives you sage advice? If so, sound off in the comments and I'll write about the person that makes you better. 

Idle Threat

Morris and I saw an inspiring documentary last week, Idle Threat. It explained the threats posed to the environment by running your engine for minutes at a time while your car is in park. The film was shown at a community center in our neighborhood in conjunction with the environmental film festival.

I know what you are thinking, how is that inspiring?

Well, the 60-minute film is centered on George Pakenham's one-man fight against idling in New York City. George fights idling by knocking on the car windows of unsuspecting idlers, explains the hazards to the environment, the associated fines for idling in New York City, and asks them to turn their engine off.

 Based on his reports, 80 percent of offenders turn off their engines. However, it is the responses of the other 20 percent that make for a funny and entertaining movie.

Mr. Pakenham has documented more than 2000 interactions with idling offenders, lobbied the New York City Council to enforce the current idling laws, and won by having parking enforcement officers assigned to write tickets to idlers.

I found this movie inspiring, because Mr. Pakenham is making a difference in the world...something I want to do too. So, it got me to thinking.

Am I passionate about anything? Is there anything I am willing to talk about  everyday to complete strangers? As a christian, I know what the answer should be...but I feel like I am really falling short by comparison to Mr. Pakenham.

2013 Goals

I like to begin the year by setting new goals. I set my goals based on the person I hope to become. For example, I hope to be a good wife and one of my goals is to play a sport with Phillip. I also want to win a Pulitzer Prize and two of my goals involve writing. I like to think of each year as a step toward living an extraordinary life.

2013 Goals

1. Complete One Bible Study with Phillip

2. Post 52 Blog Entries this Year

3. Lose 4 Pounds

4. Play a Sport with Phillip

5. Write 2 Letters per Week

6. Publish a Paid Article

7. Write 50,000 words

However, there seems to be a trend that is down on goal setting/new year's resolutions. After talking with a few friends, the sentiment seems to be that setting goals is setting yourself up for disappointment. 

But, I disagree. A goal missed, is better than a goal never set. There are lessons to be learned in goal setting. I set a goal to have two hundred blog followers last year. I failed. This year, my goal is to post 52 blog entries.  I learned that I have to set goals based on my input, not an expected output. 

So, if you are reading this blog perhaps we can help each other. If you are anti-new year's resolutions, perhaps you can help me see the folly in my logic. If you are pro-new year's resolutions, perhaps we can help keep each other on task. 

What'd ya say?

The Pursuit of Excellence

I have read The Pursuit of Excellence two or three times now, and every time I read it I learn something new. The book discusses goal setting, the importance of mistakes, the perils of the status quo, and being creative.

I have been setting goals consistently for five years. I set my goals in January, in June and July I evaluate my progress and/or adjust my goals. November and December are generally crunch time. And, crunch time is where I am now. My 2012 goals are:

1. Eliminate Debt                                                                                                                                             At one point, I paid $360 per month in interest to Sallie Mae. Sallie Mae and I are not friends. Morris and I paid off $28,000 of debt this year, and we will make my final student loan payment this month.

2. Finish Rosetta Stone Spanish                                                                                                              This goal changed to Finish Thank You Notes for Wedding Gifts and Get a New Job. Our friends are incredibly generous and kind. I know that etiquette says your have a year following your wedding to send Thank You Notes. However, I want thank folks as soon as possible. I have 28 more Thank You Notes left. I do not have a new job, yet.

3. 200 Blog Followers                                                                                                                               I did not meet this goal. However, I would like to thank Adrian, Angel, Byron, Diann, Jordan, Heather, Monica, Michaela, Nan, Quinn, and Rachel for following this blog. I am grateful for your support.

4. Get Married to the Man of my Dreams                                                                                     Done. (Btw, I set this goal after we got engaged last year)

5. Make Jesus Famous                                                                                                                        This is a hard goal to quantify. But, I try to accomplish it by living a life that will be pleasing to Jesus. This year I visited someone in the hospital that I didn't know. I wrote letters to friends and family members when they were hurting or to simply tell them that I loved them. I gave money away. I texted and called people just to tell them I was thinking of them. I watered my neighbor's garden, although I've never met him personally. Six of our friends joined our church this year.

6. See Japan   Done.

* I lost 4 pounds of the 8 pounds that I planned to lose before Thanksgiving.*                                                                                                                

Why is Work So Boring?

I have asked myself this question over and over again for the past year. And, the past few months  have been especially challenging. Almost every day is a battle to get up, be there, and be cheerful. Almost every conversation with a friend, family member, or Phillip ends in me disparaging my work. ( Forgive me for that...I am going stop it.) And, at least once a week I end up crying in my office with a sinking feeling that I am trapped and will never get out of this crummy job.

In all fairness, my job is not all that crummy. I have a wonderful boss and I love most of the folks that I work with on a daily basis. I make more money than I ever thought possible at this age. I am off every other Friday, and I have a beautiful walk to work. So, why am I bored and miserable?

The past year has lead me to one answer. My job is not a good fit for me. I love people. I love talking to people, learning about people, and helping people. And, I need a job that allows me to do that. So, I began the quest for my dream job in June.

My dream job has not materialized. But, I have met some great people in the process and my friends and family have been both patient and supportive. I made the decision today that I am going to be grateful for that. The new job will come when the time is right. Just like everything else.

*I gained back the two pounds that I lost last week. Booooo me.*

Why Japan?

Morris and I were often asked this question before, during, and after our honeymoon to Japan. There are two reasons. First, Morris' sister used to send him Japanese baseball cards when he was in middle school, and he always hoped to see the country. Second, my sisters and I spent one Christmas holiday watching the entire Karate Kid trilogy, and I thought "it sure would be nice to see the land of Mr. Miyagi." Below are five of my favorite photos from Japan and the video that Morris made of our trip. Enjoy!

Us at the Edo-Tokyo Museum

Tsuiki Fish Market Safety Briefing

Tsuiki Fish Market...Can you believe that is a Tuna?

Kinkaku-ji (The Temple of the (solid) Gold Pavilion)

The Bamboo Forest

*I lost two pounds this week. Woot! Woot!*

Fly

Morris and I went to see Fly  this week at the Ford Theatre in Washington, D.C. Fly is based on the experience of four Tuskegee Airman flying in World War II, and it was nothing short of brilliant. It incorporated  live action, actual video footage from the war, and tap dancing that expressed the range of emotions the pilots faced.

It had sad parts and it had funny parts. But, the dedication of the Airman to seeing each other succeed was the key to their success. Despite all the hardships face, they won.

Bears On Top

Question: How do two people live in a 400 square foot studio apartment?

Answer: Bears on top.

You see, Morris and I live in the aforementioned small space. Thankfully, we have nine foot ceilings so we have utilized our wall space to the upmost. We also use every nook and crevice to store and hide things. For example, the two-inch space between the refrigerator and the kitchen cabinet becomes a home for our folding chairs and broom. The space underneath my writing desk stores our files, speakers, printer and a box of miscellaneous papers. And all of our bears are placed on the top shelves of our wall-mounted bookcases.

My handsome husband, Morris, graduated from Baylor University. The mascot for Baylor is a bear. While Morris did part with many items to make space for me in his apartment, he did not part with the bears and rightly so because I like that he is sentimental for simple things.

We hope to enjoy/endure this small space until we kill all of $51,236 dollars of our student loan debt.